Among the rhetoric, adoption is a courageous choice. You may not have heard much about adoption, since the topic of abortion is so heavily discussed. And like many other choices, adoption is also a deeply personal and complex decision. Potential birth mothers are individuals navigating certain challenges during a unique season of life. Women may choose to place their child for adoption for various reasons related to personal, financial, or health concerns. Many of the birth mothers we’ve spoken to made an adoption plan because they “wanted what was best for their child.” Often, adoption is chosen because it represents the best option given the circumstances at that particular moment. This is why each birth mother’s adoption journey is distinct. As a potential, prospective birth mother, you will carry your own expectations and goals throughout the adoption process and after placement. It is crucial for you to focus on building total confidence in the decision you are making. Therefore, it is imperative to select ethically and morally sound adoption agencies that genuinely advocate for your needs. Let’s face it: there are numerous adoption agencies, attorneys, and adoptive families available to assist you with your adoption plan, which broadens your choices even more. The information below may feel overwhelming, but we want to ensure you are making the right decision for yourself and your baby. So take a deep breath—you’ve got this! Below is important information to review during your adoption process to help you feel confident in your decision:

LOOK FOR ADOPTION AGENCIES AND/OR ATTORNEYS THAT…

• Share the same morals and values as you do concerning all aspects of your unborn child, adoption, and parenting
• Care about your wishes and expectations before and after the adoption process
• Answer all your questions and concerns honestly
• Can show you licensing to provide adoption services (The adoption agency you work with should be licensed, and depending on your state laws, should be licensed in your state).
• Educate you on your legal rights about Consent: A written document that a parent signs to voluntarily relinquish their legal rights to their child for adoption. This document is typically requested by the adoption professional to be signed after the birth of your child, although some states permit the signing to occur prior to birth (Do not sign consent forms prior to the birth of your child).
• Educate you on your legal rights about Revocation: This refers to the process in which a biological parent rescinds their prior consent to adoption, thereby nullifying that consent and reinstating their parental rights and responsibilities. It’s important to note that not every state permits this!
• Educate you about Post-Adoption Contact Agreement’s (PACA): A legally binding arrangement between birth parents and adoptive parents that outlines the terms and conditions of contact after the adoption is finalized.
• Educate you about Enforceablity: In many states, agreements regarding post-adoption contact are generally not legally binding; however, they may be enforceable if they are incorporated into the final adoption decree or if the court recognizes them as part of the adoption process.

Key components about Post-Adoption Contact Agreements (PACA):

• Purpose: The agreement is designed to establish and maintain a relationship between the birth parents and the adopted child, promoting ongoing contact and support.
• Terms of Contact: The PACA typically specifies the nature and frequency of contact, such as phone calls, visits, or updates through letters or photos.
• Flexibility: While the agreement outlines intentions for contact, it often allows for modifications as the child grows and circumstances change.
• Legal Status: In some states, PACAs can be enforceable if they are incorporated into the adoption decree, while in others, they may serve more as a guideline rather than a binding contract.
• Emotional Considerations: These agreements aim to support the emotional well-being of the child by maintaining connections with their birth family, while also respecting the adoptive family’s role.

Post-Adoption Contact Agreements (PACAs) are recognized and can be enforceable in several states, although the specifics can vary. Here are some states that generally allow PACAs: California, Oregon, Washington, Illinois, New York, Minnesota, North Carolina, and Texas. In these states, PACAs may be integrated into the final adoption decree, making them legally enforceable. However, the enforceability and the specifics of these agreements can differ significantly, so it’s important to consult the laws of each state or seek legal advice to understand the nuances.

ASK ADOPTION AGENCIES or ADOPTION ATTORNEYS …

• What kind of children do they place (ages, backgrounds, etc.)?
• How many children have they placed in the past few years?
• How will they conduct searches for the birth father if needed?
• What kind of training is provided for the adoptive parents, and do they offer support classes for the birth mother and birth father?
• What criteria does the adoption agency use to match children with families?
• What type of adoptive parents do they seek?
• How long, on average, must one wait for a child?
• What does the home study entail?
• If an adoptive parent learns of a child in another state, will the adoption agency pursue the child?
• How much does a completed adoption cost — in total and each part?
• Can the adoption agency help me with sources of financial aid, including subsidies before or after relinquishment (Housing, clothing, food costs, etc)?
• What if the adoption doesn’t work out? Exactly when is my final decision set in stone? *Understand the minimum and maximum legal requirements in your state regarding the signing of your consent document, so you are aware of the time available for making your decision of adoption. You do not want to feel rushed or pressured into this choice.
• Can the adoption agency or attorney provide references from birth mothers who have placed through them?
• What resources do they provide that birth parents can connect to before or after placement? (For example: Will they pay for me to see a licensed counselor before or after placement?)
• Do they provide Birth Mom support groups and/or Birth Mom retreats? If you are searching for one, please reach out to us, and we can connect you with one or more.
• Do they provide adoption counseling services by a licensed social worker (LCSW), or a therapist (a professional licensed counselor) that supports the birth parents’ interests?
• Will the adoption agency provide a separate attorney, of my choosing, for whom they will cover the costs, to represent me exclusively before, during, and after the adoption is finalized?
• Can they guarantee in a formal agreement what has been agreed upon during the adoption process, and what is expected after the birth parents have signed papers for relinquishment?

DURING YOUR ADOPTION PROCESS …

• Do not rely on any verbal promise of an open adoption plan as a basis for your decision to relinquish your parental rights. Whether it is annual updates of pictures, letters, or visitation rights, your decision should never be based on such promises, as they may not be enforceable by law in some states. There are legal steps that a birth mother can take to enforce an open adoption plan, including putting the terms in writing, making it an express condition precedent to the effectiveness of the relinquishment, referencing it in court documents, and selecting a state’s law to apply where open adoption agreements are enforceable. ¹
• Be wary of adoption agencies that push you to look at prospective adoptive parent profiles immediately upon you seeking their counsel. First, explore your parenting alternatives, such as the possibility of the birth father or another family member’s interest in parenting the child before choosing an outside family.
• Be careful of adoption agencies or attorneys who tell you that you should not seek advice from your family, friends, or trusted professionals. Requesting advice from others is your prerogative. If someone is rushing you past people in your support group, they may be rushing you into a decision you are not ready to make.
• Be careful of agencies that push total involvement of prospective parents during your pregnancy, delivery, and recovery. You may want time to be alone with your baby after the delivery to reassess your previous decision.
• Be careful of adoption agencies or attorneys that tell you it is okay to lie to a birth father (or anyone for that matter).
• Be careful of any adoption agency or attorney that tells you that you can keep your intentions a secret from the birth father in hopes that he either does not find out, or finds a way to timely protect his rights. If an adoption agency or attorney tells you to do such things, they may be “cutting corners” in other areas, and you may find yourself stuck in a long hard-fought legal battle. Transparency is needed for a healthy and safe adoption process. ¹
• Be careful of any adoption agency or attorney who tells you exactly how to fill out paperwork pertaining to the adoption; especially in a manner that is not a hundred percent accurate.
• Be careful of adoption agencies or attorneys who read or explain important adoption documents to you, but do not give you comfortable time to read the documents yourself before you sign or ask questions about it.
• Do not work with adoption agencies that want to induce you before your due date. Odds are they are encouraging you to place your child for adoption prematurely in order to beat a clock. Either this, or they want to minimize the window of opportunity for others to get involved and change your mind (because they perceive your decision as tenuous), as well as reduce the amount of time the birth father has to file to protect his parental rights. Such disingenuous approaches to the process challenge the validity of the placement.¹
• Be careful of any adoption agency or attorney willing to just hand you a wad of cash at the time of relinquishment, instead of paying your living expenses directly to those whom it is due, like your landlord. Any agency willing to engage in such a questionable practice may be “cutting corners” elsewhere, and you may not know where until it is too late. ¹
• Never sign relinquishment papers before giving birth.
• Understand the adoption consent and revocation laws specific to your state, as these regulations can vary significantly from one state to another.
• Research what adoptees have to say about their adoption (Read this study: National Council for Adoption)

Other things to consider:

• Yes, there is a stigma associated with adoption, partly due to past, old or outdated and unethical adoption laws and policies.
• Remember, you are making this decision because you know what’s best for you and your baby. At the end of the day, you’ll be the one to live with the implications of that choice. So if someone is heavily pushing you toward either decision, ask them: Are they going to be the ones dealing with the outcomes?
• Be attentive. Because the adoption system also operates as a business, it can, like other businesses, involve individuals or adoption advocates that are greedy and disingenuous.
• Adoption agencies, attorneys, facilitators, consultants, and even adoption educators should also be held to the highest ethical and moral standards, too.
• Be cautious of adoption educators, including birth and adoptive parents, who may profit by promoting their paid programs as the only ethical approach while presenting significantly biased narratives or supporting immoral adoption practices. You shouldn’t have to compromise your conscience or moral boundaries to receive the support you need. Seek second opinions.
• You may encounter individuals with personal experiences related to adoption (either positive or negative) who express overly biased feelings about the choice of adoption. Remember that every adoption story is uniquely their own. Like parenting, adoption comes with differing experiences, opinions, perspectives and beliefs.
• Exercise caution regarding whom you choose to follow or be influenced by during the adoption process and after, as you may be in a vulnerable state, and it’s important to guard your heart.

*The above information does not concern state-initiated adoptions in child neglect, dependency, abuse cases, etc.

WHAT ARE “ETHICAL ADOPTION PRACTICES”?

Ethical adoption practices refer to approaches that prioritize the rights, needs, and well-being of all parties involved in the adoption process. These parties include potential birth parents, unborn children, waiting adoptive families, as well as established birth parents, adoptees, and adoptive families. Below are key components of ethical adoption practices regarding what adoption agencies and attorneys should provide and how they should operate. These practices should also apply to facilitators (where legal) and adoption consultants, depending on their roles, the legality in their state, and their responsibilities in the process.

Informed Consent

• Comprehensive Information: Birth parents receive complete and clear information about the adoption process, including their rights, options, and potential outcomes.
• Voluntary Decision: Consent is given freely, without coercion, and after the birth parents have had time to consider their decision.

Transparency

• Open Communication: Open lines of communication are maintained with all parties, ensuring that everyone understands the process and their roles.
• Honest Representation: Are truthful about the services they provide, their adoption practices and support, the families they work with, as well as any potential fees involved.

Respect for Birth Parents and their unborn child

• Support Services: Provide emotional and practical support to birth parents throughout the pregnancy and adoption process, including counseling and access to resources.
• Acknowledging Grief: Recognize that adoption can be a painful experience for birth parents and they offer support for their emotional well-being.

Birth Parent Rights

• Legal Protections: Ensure that birth parents are aware of and protected by their legal rights throughout the process, including the right to change their minds within a specific timeframe.
• Post-Adoption Contact: Depending on the adoption agreement, agencies must facilitate open or semi-open adoption arrangements if desired, allowing for ongoing contact between the child and the birth mom or birth parents.

Child-Centered Approach

• Best Interests of the Child: Prioritize the child’s needs and welfare in all adoption-related decisions. This includes not only adhering to ethical adoption laws and policies, but also advocating for high moral standards. It involves helping birth parents find attorneys or agencies that uphold foundational principles and core values, ensuring the child is placed with a healthy, psychologically/mentally stable family unit whenever possible.
• Cultural Competence: Understands and respects the cultural backgrounds of the child and birth family, and considers these factors in the adoption plan.

Ethical Agency Practices

• Accreditation and Standards: Accredited and adheres to ethical guidelines, foundational values, and best practices set forth by professional organizations.
• No Profit from Adoption: Agencies should not profit from the adoption itself; instead, they should focus on providing support and services.

Education and Advocacy

• Community Awareness: Educates the public about adoption to combat stigma and promote understanding of the complexities involved.
• Advocacy for Policy Change: Supports legislation that protects the rights of birth parents, adoptees, and adoptive families.

Post-Adoption Support

• Follow-Up Services: Offers resources and support for adoptive families and birth parents after placement, including professional counseling and support groups (There are adoption agencies that offer their own birth mom support groups post-placement).
• Adjustment Assistance: Helps families navigate the transition after adoption and addresses any challenges that may arise.

Non-Discrimination Against Faith-based Practices and Standards

• Inclusive Practices: Ensures that all birth parents and adoptive families are treated with respect and advocacy, without discrimination based on their religious practices, faith, moral principles, and values.

Moral Validity

• Values and Integrity. Adoption practices and policies align with morals, values and principles that resonate with an individual’s moral compass or their sense of “right and wrong.” An example of this would be honoring the sanctity of family and life. Overall, every decision must reflect a commitment to recognizing the significance and future of each child’s life.

Avoiding Exploitation

• No Financial Pressure: Ensures that birth parents are not financially exploited, and that they receive assistance that covers their genuine needs during the adoption process.

By adhering to these ethical standards, the adoption process can be more humane and supportive for everyone involved, ultimately leading to better outcomes for children, birth parents, and adoptive families.

*The above information does not concern state-initiated adoptions in child neglect, dependency, abuse cases, etc.

YOUR PRE-ADOPTION COUNSELING SHOULD …

1. Make you aware of any problems or uncertainties surrounding your decision, and help you find solutions that work for you
2. Advocate for you, and not just the organization for which they work
3. Bring up questions pertaining to why you are choosing adoption
4. Explore your fears and see if they are a product of doubt, or if there is any truth to them
5. Be tailored to your current situation

YOUR POST ADOPTION COUNSELING SHOULD …

1. Be supportive and non-judgmental
2. Aim to work out any difficulties or uncertainties you may have
3. Aim to find positive alternatives or solutions in dealing with any uncertainties you may have
4. Help you sort out your feelings (whether positive or negative) regarding your decision
5. Be tailored to your current situation

Source:

1. The Hutchins Law Firm. The Hutchins Law Firm, P.C. 15 February 2015. 2015 <http://www.thehutchinslawfirm.com/>.

The information contained herein is for informational purposes only. It should not be used as a substitute for legal advice.